Saturday, September 1, 2012

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Excerpts from "How to Win Friends & Influence People" (1936)
Dale Carnegie.

FREDERIC DELARUE - Beauty of forgiveness

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

There is one all-important law of human conduct. If we obey
that law, we shall almost never get into trouble.
In fact, that law, if obeyed, will bring us countless friends
and constant happiness.But the very instant we break the law,
we shall get into endless trouble.
The law is this: Always make the other person feel important.

The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel
themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their
hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you
recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and
thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them, and they will love you.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be
appreciated and loved.

The difference between appreciation and flattery?
That is simple.
One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from
the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is
unselfish; the other selfish.
One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming
interested in other people than you can in two years
by trying to get other people interested in you.
If we want to make friends, let's put ourselves out
to do things for other people - things that require time,
energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night
before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest
was particularly interested. For Roosevelt knew, as all
leaders know, that the royal road to a person's heart is
to talk about the things he or she treasures most.

Wouldn't you like to have a magic phrase that would stop
arguments, eliminate ill feeling,create good will, and make
the other person listen attentively? Yes? All right.
Here it is:
"I don't blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you
I would undoubtedly feel just as you do."

You can tell people they are wrong by a look or an intonation or
a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words - and if you tell
them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you?

Never! For you have struck a direct blow at their intelligence,
judgment, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to
strike back. But it will never make them want
to change their minds.

You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato
or an Immanuel Kant,but you will not alter their opinions,
for you have hurt their feelings.

Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
When we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves.
And if we are handled gently and tactfully, we may
admit it to others and even take pride in our
frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone
else is trying to ram the unpalatable fact down
our esophagus.

If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve
a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory
because you will never get your opponent's good will.

If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt.
But don't. It is dangerous. They won't pay attention to you while
they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression.
So listen patiently and with an open mind.

You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may
be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your
opponent to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as
you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too, may be

There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does.
Ferret out that reason - and you have the key to his actions,
perhaps to his personality. Try honestly to put yourself in his place.
Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them
finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises
barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain . But it takes
character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.
So the rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others
has an enormous advantage. He has little competition.

Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate
and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it,
But why not begin on yourself?
From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more
profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous.

Letting one save face!How important,how vitally important that is!
And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod
over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault,
issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front
of others,without even considering the hurt to the other person's
pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or
two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude,
would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires
the other person to keep on improving.
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we
have heard some praise of our good points.

The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important
than the clothes one wears on one’s back.
A smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”

There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do
anything.Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one
way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold some-thing
or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are
buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas.
We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, our

Richard Johnson Art

Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown
of the head high, fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in
the sunshine;greet your friends with a smile, put soul into
every handclasp.

Do not fear being misunderstood; do not waste a minute
thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your
mind what you would like to do;then without veering off
direction, you will move straight to the goal.

Keep your mind on the great; splendid things you would like
to do, then,as the days go gliding by, you will find yourself
unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required
for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect
takes from the running tide the element it needs.

Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire
to be,the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into the particular individual… Thought is supreme.

Preserve a right mental attitude — the attitude of courage,
frankness,good cheer.
To think right is to create.

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